Introducing: Me!

Well...hello. I suppose I should start by telling a bit about myself. I am a 14 [soon to be 15] year old girl and a freshman in highschool. I like drawing, painting, sewing, reading, sometimes writing, watching TV and playing video games. And I have a problem. I am a total otaku. I love anime and manga. My favorites include Bleach, Pokemon, Inubaka, Beauty Pop, Yotsuba&!, and more. I love it. I love it all, and so do most of my friends. I love that I became an otaku. And that was also one of the biggest mistakes of my life. You may be wondering, "what's wrong with loving something? It's cool to have something to be passionate about." Well, let me tell you, I ask the same question to myself millions of times every day. And the answer would be when the thing you love seems to be your mother's mortal enemy. Confession: I can get EXTREMELY obsessive. I know that, and that, I think, is what causes my problems. In the past, I have been obsessed over: the Jonas Brothers, Twilight [both of the following, I am not particularly proud of. especially Twilight. ugh.], Greasers from the Outsiders [one of my favorite books], cats, boys, spiderman, Thomas the Tank Engine [I was REALLY little. Don't judge me.], and probably some more that can't be found in my thoughts right now. Most of these things, with the exception being things like Spiderman, Thomas the Tank Engine, and the Jonas Brothers, my mother did not exactly like. Most of these, in fact, eventually became part of her "hit list". I put that in quotations, of course, because I am 100% sure my mom doesn't actually have a hit list, being one of those mothers that won't ever let her children say they "hate" anything, tolerating *other* words even less. But, everything I choose to like, it seems, my mom is immediately suspicious of, and eventually comes to dislike with fiery passion. Being a teen, I have come to fear "those talks", you know, the heartfelt ones were the parents tell the kids that they're doing something wrong, and then all this mushy gushy stuff, where the parents basically say "I love you, you are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I wouldn't change anything about you. except you're living your life wrong. you need to be a goody-two shoes, always follow the rules, never even think about anything I don't like, because I am the ever-wise grown-up and I know everything that you should do, and if you go off and don't do my will, you will become a child of the devil and you will go to hell because the devil will get in your brain and possess you." And I'm not saying that stuff can't happen. And I am mostly what my mom wants me to be. I'm a Christian, I gave my heart to Jesus, I have a purity ring, and I'm not saying I don't want all that stuff, 99% of all this was my choice. But I'm starting to see a pattern. Anytime I find something new to like, my mom researches it, finds something that could drag me down to hell [or whatever], and we have another "talk". And then, I am banned from even thinking about it. If it slips up somewhere, I get punished. If there is an ad for it on a website, I can't go on that website any longer. Even though no one ever pays much attention to the ads.  I have actually considered becoming got, and just not liking anything. but that would just be way too hard for me. It'd never work. I always watched movies and shows where the teenagers hate their parents and are always frustrated and embarrassed by them, and always thought that I would never be like that, I love them too much. I always thought I would never even subconsciously want to grow apart from them. And, I mean, I love them and everything, I don't want to take them for granted, but I now know that I have always been wrong. We're growing apart. And it's sad. I still have so much to learn. But somewhere inside, this old person is trying to come out and take me away from it all. It says " you'll be free to be whoever you want. Come with me." And I'm not sure if it's a good or bad old person, but part of me follows it anyway.
     I'm getting depressed, now, so I guess I'll stop. Sorry I've been kind of a downer. I promise to be happier next time. I'm usually really hyper and chipper and bubbly. I guess it's just that my mom thought she caught me reading manga on the web when I wasn't, and now I have to prove I wasn't. I really have been trying to be mommy's perfect little angel...any help with my pickle would be appreciated. Thanks, and once again, i promise to be happier next post. Pinky swear.